HIGH GEAR, PAGE 20

Ears On Wheels

By JEANNETTE

(CLEVELAND, OH) -Let me tell you all, Jeannette is upset this month. As with the last contest, September's contest had no entries. Could it be that no one reads "EARS ON WHEELS"? If that's the case, then this will be my last column! But if you do read this and want further installments, send a contest entry, or a short note, to: Jeannette, c/o High Gear, P.O. Box 6177, Cleveland, Ohio, 44101. Once again, the contest is for an alternative word for "straight" or "breeder". The best entry will win a gift certificate to Arcade Art. All entries must be postmarked by October 30, 1981.

September has been spent collecting dirt and covering activities in our "Wonderful Town"; my only relaxation has been visiting with my friends in The Arcade Bonnie, Mouse, Kerry, Dee, and Richard, Thanks for helping me maintain my sanity!

Here's what's buzzin' around town this month: Totie, were you really working behind the bar at SIX bars this month? Is it also true that you "spilled" a glass of water at the last one? Have you finally found the spoon to go with it"? Remember, hon, lemon juice works wonders. And, please, keep your hands off Randy's boyfriend; he's beginning to think that you're looking for "blueberries". -Dennis and Peaches, are you really an item? -John, didn't you know that was Ray's first motorcycle ride? It must have been a hoot! I can't believe he got that butch. -Bobbie, did your date fall asleep from boredom, or had you worn him out? -Marge, don't you think that six times at the picnic was a bit too much? -Alan, it's rumored that you do a dynamite imitation of Trigger. Didn't you ever learn to count on your fingers? -Randy, you truly are "the hostest with the mostest"!-Dale, does FDR know where Eleanor is these days? -Who was that rambunctious trio, Katrina, Harriet, and Kitty, recently seen at Godmother's II? -Rita, dear Rita, how did you make it through college alive? Michael H, what does "Double Greek" mean? -Karen, why so many moves? Is there something we all should know? Let's hope that this recent move is for a long time. -Hey Elaine, or is it

"Big Red", what's new? -Brian, hope that you've now recovered from surgery and the trip to "P'Town'. --Dianne, are you still smiling? -Diana, what's with the new song you're singing lately? Could it be "High Meadows"? -D B, I didn't know you were into men like M B. I've been told that he used to wear a dress; is it true? -Tom W, try to cheer up; you really look so much better when you smile. Here's to getting lucky with your next lunch partner! And, if you're still available, where do I fill out the application?-K N, yes, you made it here this month, but I can't remember why. -Just what is “AHETERHOBI"? I'm willing to bet that Tom S and his gang know the answer. -L B, are you sure you have a driver's license, at least one that the State issued? -Richard, Florida did wonders for you. You truly look well rested. -Dan K, why did you spend so much time away from the "altar"? I suppose you fell and got the mud on your knees. Tell another one, darling, we're waiting. -Mark K, why was everyone so mad the night you met Peter? Did you steal another date from the oasis?

Tom M, Rocco, Echo, Steve and Ray, I heard you had quite an evening reading books. Did you learn anything new, or is it still true that you can't teach old dogs new tricks? -Jimmie, don't you know about moth balls? Try them sometime. -David and Jeff, next time you kiss in public, make sure that your jaws don't lock. -John J, have you found your dentures, or are they still at the bottom of the dunking booth? -Jim T, you sure look happier today than you did eight years ago. Could "Louie" have anything to do with it? -Sheldon, I never knew you were a beer drinker. Why else would you look so longingly and lovingly at "Stroh's"? Gordon, why are you called "Guttergums"?

Mark, why do you insist on the personal questions? Would you really spurn someone who didn't meet your requirements? Jerry, I told you that your heart would mend quickly. Just keep smiling. Carole W, is the Halloween Party still on, or have you been knocked out of commission again? -Frank S, why are you so willing to pay for someone else's sex change? Are you so

IT'S A DOG'S LIFE

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MOTIVATIONAL TRAINING FROM THE DOG'S

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WARRENSVILLE HEIGHTS

WILLOUGHBY

happy with yours that you want to share? -Steve, you should do “uniform drag" more often; your features are more 'arresting' that way. Bruce, now that you're a TV star, will you ever be the same?

Carol C, thanks a lot for lending me your pen. Most of this column would not be here if you hadn't. -R and B, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!!! -Rick, your dock may be dry, but who cares??? -Don't Trudy and Sabrina make a lovely couple?-Mike and Paul, hope your anniver'sary was truly a happy one. I wish you many, many more! -Bob, don't you know that you're supposed to throw the ball forward?-Ricky, what's this about #3 at the West 6th Library? -Chris, I still don't believe it; you don't have any dirt!!! Were you sick during September? -Steve and Denver, your story might be more believable if it were Chevy's and Ford's. -Melissa, why couldn't you wait in line like all the others? A van is hardly the place for it. Also, sorry to hear that your cat is bald. Does it still "meow", or is it just purring a lot these days?

Bambi, why did you throw a party that had a curfew? It was a lot of fun, but, really now, wasn't it a bit too much asking all of your guests to leave at precisely 1:00 a.m.? And, who did your bathroom, Gainsborough? David F, what fraternity did you say you belong to? -To the person who wondered if Rita and Jeannette are lovers: "No comment; that's why we have press agents!" -John E, if that's what it takes to be allowed back into the bars, I hope I'm never barred. -Lucille, good luck in San Francisco, give our love to Annabelle -Danny M, why do you come apart at the seams so easily? Are you that easily flustered? Shellie, I didn't know that bookstore tokens were becoming collector's items. Why else would you have so many hidden away? -Steve, it seems that your pool party

was quite a "splash". Will this become an annual affair? Let's hope so. -Bill, you make the Mad Greek hot at any hour of the day. -Nancy, it really is time for a geography course; if the Ukraine is in Sicily, then it must be snowing in the Sahara! --Joe and Albert, what was so interesting that you stayed in the car while everyone else ate breakfast? Speaking of breakfast, Mrs Russell, you sure do eat a lot. No wonder why you were divorced. -Randy, you're the only person I know who wears "Hindenberg" jeans. What kind of material are they cut from, blimp skin? Lou, what kind of laundry soap do you use? -Shel, only you could bowl a game that's the same size as your waist. -I hear that there are some "turkeys" in Cleveland that are so fat that even helium couldn't make them fly.

Ken K, heard about your cast. That's what happens when you try to comb your hair in mid-air. -David, are you sure it's a ladybug that becomes a spider? I've always thought it was a caterpillar that turned into a butterfly?--Jeff P, why don't you have any mirrors in your house? You really do need one. -Michael and Chris, exactly what do you model in New York, Coke bottles? -Good luck to Steve F on his move, and also to Larry and Bill, who aren't moving. Richard, do you always throw such lovely soirees? What do you do for an encore? Kevin and Mark, that was quite a surprise party you had for Dave and Doug's 15th Anniversary. Where did you get all the food? There was enough to feed an army of gourmands! Congratulations to "D & D"; I hope that you have many more years together -And, why were cast members of EVITA heard singing, "Don't Cry For Me," Princess Bar Fly," all the way to Washington?

Enjoy October! Beware of The Great Pumpkin! And, be cautious as you trick and treat on Halloween!!!

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MILLER 918 DRESDEN ROAD CLEVELAND HITS,

Stephen Holt (left), Divine, and Andrew Logan (right) in scene from a soon to be released film dn next month's issue will be an exclusive High Gear interview with Skaden Holt.